A message to my mom & aunt:
I dreamed of Nana last night. I think she comes to me when I need her most.
In my dreams of her, she has always come back to us. It’s never like she has been here all along. Sometimes she is the grandmother from my youth (healthy & round) and sometimes, like last night, she is frail and needs my help. Mostly, I helped her in the grocery and then at a very long dinner table of random friends & family.
When I woke up, I smiled (and cried a little). I feel better today – I knew I would. It’s not my tragedy and my world continues. But I always feel warm & fuzzy after dreaming of Nana. She still teaches me so much about life. I know you both will always miss your mom. I miss her too. I’m glad I get to see her when I’m sleeping.
I love you.
While many are going through trying times, one in particular really hits home. A friend of mine can no longer continue with her pregnancy, she was due days apart from me. This sad news came on the same day I discovered the gender of my own baby. Hers is not my story and therefore not mine to share.
How is it possible to have such joy, excitement threatening to bubble over, and simultaneously feel such sorrow. I empathize. No matter what is happening in my life, great news from a friend always truly brightens my day. Unfortunately, the flip side of that is true as well. Disheartening news darkens my day.
I know I was not meant to carry the weight of the world. Instead, I share extra love for those that need it most. I pray for their strength and ability to get through difficult times. And I thank the powers that be for my amazing support system: my family and dear friends far & near, my incredible husband, and my sweet loving kids.
And I dream of my Nana.