Today, I Grieve

My mom died.

When the news came

Blaine was at cricket (it’s a big deal here) and my friend was over with her two kids because our sons were hanging out all day. When I saw Blaine’s car pull in I thought it seemed early to be back from a lime with the boys but what do I know. I was in the baby’s room. When Blaine came up, the first thing he did was turn to Monique and say, “I’m glad you are here.” Then he turned to me:

Blaine with a shaky voice: “Age, I don’t know how to tell you this…”

I was wondering what had gone horribly wrong to have him so shaken – I thought a friend of his was hurt, or a family member (of his) had died.

Blaine continuing: “…but Maria died.” That was the last thing I expected him to say.

Me: “What? What? My mom died?”

And then he proceeded to explain that my aunt had found her and our cousin had called him and now here he was…

As the dust settled

The house was a buzz last night, filled with family (bless my overwhelming in-laws!) and my friend came by as well. Once they all left and the kids were asleep I had a few calls to make. And then the house was quiet. My husband fell asleep and I did a lot of staring into space. And then I cried. Stared into space a little more. And cried a lot more.

The finality of this is not something I am able to comprehend fully. Not in my two hour sleep frame of mind.

I will never put ‘Call Mom’ at the top of my To Do list again. I will never get to chat with her over coffee again. I will never share funny stories about my life or laugh with her again. I will never send her a birthday card again. The list is endless.

My mom, my biggest fan, my first best friend. My amazing single mother, with her incredibly infectious laugh, is gone too soon.

Yesterday I was in shock.                            Today I grieve.                                        Tomorrow I forge on. 

 

Mom (left) / Aunt Bee (right)

 
-A

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One thought on “Today, I Grieve

  1. Adrienne
    I can only imagine what you are going through and my heart breaks for you. No one can ever be ready to lose a loved one. Although she hasn’t left you entirely. Her infectious laugh is alive in you.

    All my love

    Louise

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