I took a deep breath. A very long one. Several weeks long. I thought I was ready to take on the world again… then our family got another bombshell of bad news, which I don’t feel like talking about right this moment. In any case…
I haven’t written much.
I think A LOT though. I think when I’m strolling my baby, when I’m in the car (if the two older ones are not chattering on and on), when I wake in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep.
I think about being a step mom and all it’s frustrations, about my uncle who recently received sad news, about my loved ones far away dealing with their own every day lives. I think about my day and my to do list, about my life here in Trinidad, about life in general, about writing. But mostly I think about my mom.
My mom always kept planners and over the years she started writing in them more and more. She mostly wrote what she did or how she felt. Sometimes she let her thoughts transfer on to the pages. There were years of them. I had read all but the last two years before I left NY. I couldn’t keep all. I decided to keep 2014 & 2015. Those are the years we didn’t visit one another.
As I start to read through them little by little, I am immensely comforted. Seeing her handwriting, reading her words, I can hear her speaking them. She wrote the way she thought and spoke… so it fills me with a warmth I didn’t know I needed.
One of our cousins had this brilliant idea to frame my mom’s writing… what a unique and thoughtful gift.