Just your average COVID-19 post…

“Before the crazy sets in each day I take an emotional moment to shed a few tears out of gratitude and concern for so many.” -Me, last week.

A few  days ago I read a post from a mom about a scrappy picture schedule. I logged in and commented that it was just what I needed to read at the moment. In fact, I have enjoyed all the positive mommy posts. Honestly, anything that does not shake me to my core – literally – is welcome. Anyway, that triggered a few people to read and follow my own blog, which I have neglected for quite some time.

So what better time to write when we have nothing but time on our hands. Except, what do I have to “say” that hasn’t been said? Nothing. Not about this incredible, unbelievable time in our lives that we are going through. That’s ok, I’ll say it anyway…

I. Am. So. Damn. Lucky.

Today.

The “homeschooling” memes have been like a magic carpet ride to get us through this… laughter is the best anecdote. Yet, in all honesty, aren’t we so blessed to have this time at home with our kids? We joke about the number of times we hear “mom” or “mummy” in a given day but how lucky we are to be ALIVE, and HEALTHY, and HOME with them.

The underlying worry and ever rising anxiety levels are real for everyone. Panic attacks are happening for healthy people. Why? Because, we are all vulnerable. Let’s remember that flattening the curve doesn’t mean we won’t get it, it means we won’t get it at the same time. The whole point of social distancing is not to stop the spread but to slow it. So that less people die. This is disheartening maybe but important. It means, your elderly relative or your nephew with asthma is more likely to LIVE. It means, the doctor in the family will be able to handle the influx of patients and in the end he will still COME HOME.

I am spending my days FEELING: laughing with my kids, struggling with the uncertainty, fearing the unknown. I’m thinking of all the people at home alone, and of all the givers and helpers on the frontline. Then, if I cough, I wonder: “Do I have it?” and then my heart rate elevates and the anxiety sets in. Sometimes my chest hurts – it’s stress. I know this, my brain tells me I am ok and yet…

We have so much information, and yet not enough.

The economic downfall we will face is also real and a worry for tomorrow. Is there anything we can do about it now? I have no idea. My bank account will vouch for me – I am not a finance guru. I don’t work and will my husband have a job at the end of all of this? Who knows?

A week ago I thought my husband would be stuck in Guyana (where he works each week) for the unknown duration of this crisis, instead of being here in Trinidad with his family. I couldn’t breathe, or settle my blood pressure. The worst thoughts came to mind and what got me through was hugs from my kids. Literally, head to chest. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was having an anxiety attack, or something like it. It’s taken almost a week to rid myself of the impending doom emotions. I stopped reading stats, or seeking news updates. And I stopped taking my blood pressure. I started guided meditation, listening to soothing sleep music and morning yoga. I’m reading an easy book and watching TV when all else fails. It helps to minimize the swirling thoughts. (It also helps that hubby made it back on the last flight for nationals to come home before they closed the borders, see what I mean by lucky)

I chat with friends sometimes and plan at-home-activities for the kids. It’s only been two weeks and it feels like a lifetime. We have such a long road ahead whether we believe it or not. They say the only way out is through and I say the only way through is together. We may not be able to stand next to each other but we are all facing this pandemic. Apart but together.

Watch a favorite movie over again for the millionth time. Read a favorite book for 4th time. Dance with your kids. It will ignite the dormant joy in you that you are afraid or reluctant to feel while the world is in turmoil.

And PLEASE stay home. For you. For them. For all of us.

– Adrienne